| Page 2 - Beer Pulp |
| Page 1 was my original writings. This page consists of interesting things I've come across and want to share for the good of all mankind. |
| Beer - Fun - Pictures - Posters - Sayings - Ads - Cartoons If you have something you want me to share, please contact the Author (That would be me) |
Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their
hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and
let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Babe Ruth
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Paul Horning
~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
H. L. Mencken
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
George Bernard Shaw
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!
W. C. Fields
~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night at Cheers, Cliff Calvin explained the" Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm:
"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this. A he rd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and
weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the
whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! ; In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this
way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel
smarter after a few beers."
hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and
let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Babe Ruth
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Paul Horning
~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
H. L. Mencken
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
George Bernard Shaw
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!
W. C. Fields
~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night at Cheers, Cliff Calvin explained the" Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm:
"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this. A he rd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and
weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the
whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! ; In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this
way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel
smarter after a few beers."
| "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Benjamin Franklin |
| To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group Salvation in a can! Leo Durocher |
| I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. Frank Sinatra |
A handful of 7 year old
children were asked
' what they thought of beer.'
Here are some responses
7 year old Tim- ' I think beer must be
good. My dad says the more beer he
drinks the prettier my mom gets.'
7 year old Mellanie - ' Beer makes my
dad sleepy and we get to watch what
we want on television when
he is asleep, so beer is nice.
7 year old Grady - 'My Mom and Dad
both like beer. My Mom gets funny
when she drinks it and takes her top
off at parties, but Dad doesn't think
this is very funny.'
7 year old Toby - 'My Mom and Dad
talk funny when they drink beer
and the more they drink the more
they give kisses to each other,
which is a good thing.'
7 year old Sarah - 'My Dad gets funny
on beer. He is funny. He also wets
his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't
have too much.
7 year old Lilly - ' My Dad loves beer.
The more he drinks, the better he
dances. One time he danced
right into the pool.'
7 year old Ethan - ' I don't like beer
very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he
burns the sausages on the barbeque
and they taste disgusting.'
7 year old Shirley - ' I give Dad's beer
to the Dog and he goes to sleep.'
7 year old Jack - ' My Mom drinks beer
and she says silly things and picks on
my father. Whenever she drinks beer
she yells at Dad and tells him to go
bury his bone down the street again,
but that doesn't make any sense.'
children were asked
' what they thought of beer.'
Here are some responses
7 year old Tim- ' I think beer must be
good. My dad says the more beer he
drinks the prettier my mom gets.'
7 year old Mellanie - ' Beer makes my
dad sleepy and we get to watch what
we want on television when
he is asleep, so beer is nice.
7 year old Grady - 'My Mom and Dad
both like beer. My Mom gets funny
when she drinks it and takes her top
off at parties, but Dad doesn't think
this is very funny.'
7 year old Toby - 'My Mom and Dad
talk funny when they drink beer
and the more they drink the more
they give kisses to each other,
which is a good thing.'
7 year old Sarah - 'My Dad gets funny
on beer. He is funny. He also wets
his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't
have too much.
7 year old Lilly - ' My Dad loves beer.
The more he drinks, the better he
dances. One time he danced
right into the pool.'
7 year old Ethan - ' I don't like beer
very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he
burns the sausages on the barbeque
and they taste disgusting.'
7 year old Shirley - ' I give Dad's beer
to the Dog and he goes to sleep.'
7 year old Jack - ' My Mom drinks beer
and she says silly things and picks on
my father. Whenever she drinks beer
she yells at Dad and tells him to go
bury his bone down the street again,
but that doesn't make any sense.'
Relationship Contract
Home Page
Home Page
Remember "I" before "E,"
except in Budweiser.
Professor Irwin Corey
except in Budweiser.
Professor Irwin Corey
| Laugh a little, laugh a lot, drink a little, drink a lot . . . |
Evolution 101
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and
would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.
Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early
humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting
of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals. 2. Conservatives.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
the Conservative movement.
Other men who were less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching,
and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
that Conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern Liberals like lite beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.
Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many Liberal women have higher testosterone
levels than their men.
Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers
are Liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military,
airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a
living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are
more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in
after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers
and to just piss off more liberals... And there you have it.
Let your next action reveal your true self. I'm going to have another beer
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and
would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.
Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early
humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting
of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals. 2. Conservatives.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
the Conservative movement.
Other men who were less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching,
and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
that Conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern Liberals like lite beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.
Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many Liberal women have higher testosterone
levels than their men.
Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers
are Liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military,
airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a
living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are
more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in
after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers
and to just piss off more liberals... And there you have it.
Let your next action reveal your true self. I'm going to have another beer